🦆 CHILL THE DUCK OUT

Volume 038: Don’t let overthinking sack your holiday spirit.

🎄 Cold Open

The holidays are supposed to be my favorite time of year. And they are. The lights, the music, the general societal permission to be sentimental and eat cookies for breakfast. I love all of it.

Oh, and we’re one week away from Jolly Old Saint Nick visiting!

But as an anxious worry-wart, this is also the time of year when my brain decides to work overtime in the worst possible way. Instead of just enjoying the season, I find myself lying awake replaying conversations from work and with friends, second-guessing gift choices, wondering if I came across wrong in that email, mentally re-litigating decisions I made six months ago, and generally beating myself up with thoughts that go absolutely nowhere.

There's a fine line between thoughtful reflection on the year and a 3am mental spiral about something you said in a Teams meeting that seemed to land flat and with odd stares from others. And the holidays have a special way of blurring that line completely.

Maybe it's the family/friend dynamics. All those personalities in one room, creating infinite opportunities to wonder if you said the wrong thing.

Maybe it's gift anxiety. Did you get the right thing, spend enough, show you care properly?

Maybe it's the year-end pressure. This weird cultural narrative that you're supposed to reflect on who you were, who you are, and who you should be, which can spiral into "what am I even doing with my life?"

Or maybe it's just the downtime. When your schedule finally slows down and your brain has space to breathe, it doesn't rest. It fills that space with every unresolved thought, every small regret, every tiny interaction that didn't go perfectly. It treats the quiet like an emergency meeting to review everything you did wrong.

The difference between thinking and overthinking isn't always obvious in the moment. Your brain is very good at convincing you that ruminating is productive, that if you just think about it one more time, you'll solve it. But there's one key tell that you've crossed the line from reflection into rumination: if you keep circling back to the same thought without getting anywhere new, you're no longer thinking. You're just suffering.

Productive thinking leads somewhere. It generates insight, clarity, or action. You think about something, you reach a conclusion or make a decision, and you move on. Overthinking just loops. You think about the same thing again and again, never reaching resolution, just feeling progressively worse.

And during the holidays, this time that's supposed to be about joy, connection, and rest, overthinking can creep in and steal all of it. You can't be present at dinner because you're replaying yesterday's conversation. You can't enjoy the moment because you're anxious about tomorrow. You can't relax because your brain is convinced that worrying counts as productivity.

So this week, we're talking about the science of rumination, why your brain mistakes overthinking for problem-solving, how to tell the difference between productive reflection and pointless mental loops, and what to actually do when you catch yourself spiraling during what should be the most wonderful time of the year.

🧠 The Science Bit

Okay, so, let’s look at why that thought you keep having isn't helping you solve anything and just making you miserable, backed by research on rumination, thought loops, and the surprisingly clear line between thinking and overthinking.

Rumination is repetitive thinking that doesn't lead anywhere productive.

Psychologist Susan Nolen-Hoeksema pioneered research on rumination and defined it as "repetitive and passive thinking about one's symptoms of distress and the possible causes and consequences of those symptoms." Translation: thinking about the same thing over and over without actually problem-solving or reaching any new insight.

Her research shows that rumination is strongly linked to anxiety and depression. People who ruminate more experience longer and more severe episodes of depression, higher anxiety, and poorer problem-solving ability. The key finding is that rumination doesn't help you understand or solve problems, rather it keeps you stuck in them.

Your brain mistakes overthinking for productivity.

Rumination feels like you're doing something useful. Your brain interprets the mental activity as "working on the problem," when in reality, you're just spinning your wheels. Studies using neuroimaging show that rumination activates similar brain regions as problem-solving, which is why it's so hard to recognize you're doing it.

The difference is in the outcome. Problem-solving leads to action or resolution. Rumination leads to more rumination. If you've thought about the same thing three times and you're thinking about it a fourth time without any new information or perspective, you're not solving anything. You're ruminating.

The "one answer vs. no answer" test reveals overthinking.

Other research in cognitive psychology demonstrates a clear pattern. Productive thinking generates answers that stick. When you're genuinely processing something useful, you reach a conclusion or decision and move on. Rumination keeps bringing you back to the same questions without resolution.

If you find yourself thinking about something you've already thought about before, especially if it's the same worry or regret, that's the signal. Your brain is looping, not learning. Studies show that people who ruminate often can't even identify what they're hoping to achieve by continuing to think about something, which is the clearest sign it's not productive.

Downtime and holidays trigger more rumination.

There’s even evidence that unstructured time, the kind the holidays provide, actually increases rumination in people prone to it. When your schedule slows down and your mind isn't occupied with immediate tasks, it defaults to whatever's unresolved or anxiety-producing. A study in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology found that idle time significantly increases rumination in people with anxiety.

This is why the holidays, which should be relaxing, often feel mentally exhausting for overthinkers. Your brain treats the downtime as an opportunity to review everything you're worried about, rather than actually resting.

Rumination physically changes your stress response.

Studies show that rumination activates and prolongs your body's stress response. Even if the original stressor is gone, ruminating about it keeps your cortisol elevated, your heart rate up, and your body in a state of physiological stress. Research demonstrates that people who ruminate have higher baseline cortisol levels and struggle to return to calm after stressful events.

You're literally making yourself sick by thinking about things that already happened or might never happen.

🍟 This Week’s Happytizer

This week, I want you to catch yourself overthinking and use specific techniques to interrupt the loop before it steals your holidays.

Here are some options to try out.

1. The "Have I thought about this before?" test. When you notice yourself thinking about something stressful, ask yourself: "Have I already thought about this?" If yes, that's your signal. The first time you think about something might be productive. The fifth time is just torture.

2. Set a timer for productive reflection. If you genuinely need to think something through, give yourself a time limit. Set a timer for 10 minutes and actually think about it. Write down your thoughts, consider your options, reach a conclusion. When the timer goes off, you're done. If you haven't solved it in 10 focused minutes, thinking about it for another hour won't help.

3. Ask: "Is this solvable right now or just painful?" This is the key question. Can you actually do anything about this thought right now? If yes, do it or make a plan to do it. If no, you're just creating suffering. You can't solve "did I sound weird at dinner last week" by thinking about it at 2am. You can't change a decision you made six months ago. If it's not actionable, it's not worth your mental energy.

4. Write it down and close the loop. Research shows that writing thoughts down can help close the mental loop. When something keeps coming back, write it out: what you're worried about, what you wish you'd done differently, what you're afraid of. Then physically close the notebook or document. Tell your brain, "This is recorded. We don't need to keep thinking about it."

5. Use thought interruption techniques. When you catch yourself spiraling, physically interrupt it. Say "STOP" out loud (or in your head if you're in public). Snap a rubber band on your wrist. Stand up and walk to another room. Do five jumping jacks. Whatever tickles your fancy. The physical interruption can break the mental pattern.

6. Distract with something that requires focus. Rumination thrives in mental space. Fill that space with something that demands attention, like a puzzle, a conversation, a task that requires concentration. Your brain can't ruminate and focus on something else simultaneously. Choose the something else.

7. Set "worry office hours." This one is my favorite. If your brain insists on worrying, schedule it. Give yourself 15 minutes at 3pm to worry about whatever you want. When anxious thoughts come up outside that window, tell yourself "I'll think about this during worry hours." Research shows this technique actually reduces overall rumination because your brain knows it has a designated time.

The holiday-specific challenge: Pick one day this week. Maybe a day with family plans or a party, and commit to being fully present. Every time you notice yourself mentally leaving the moment to ruminate about something else, gently redirect: "I can think about that later. Right now, I'm here." Notice how much more you enjoy the moment when you're actually in it.

Rumination, for us overthinkers, never really goes away. It’s a matter of taking back control in these situations, so here are some reflection questions for the week (or anytime in the future):

• What thought did you catch yourself having multiple times without reaching any new conclusion?

• What happened when you interrupted the loop versus letting it continue?

• How did it feel to be present instead of ruminating?

• What's the difference between thinking about something once productively versus thinking about it five times pointlessly?

The goal isn't to never think about difficult things. It's to recognize when you've crossed from productive thinking into unproductive suffering, and to have tools to pull yourself back. The holidays are short. Don't let rumination steal them.

⛄ Unsolicited Joy of the Week

If you're overthinking every holiday moment wondering if your family is normal, Mommy Shorts collected holiday fail stories that will make you feel so much better. There's the dad caught vacuuming on Christmas Eve, the family who discovered their Christmas tree was infested with hundreds of baby praying mantises and had to drag it out in the middle of the night, the 12-month-old who cranked the oven to 450 degrees during Thanksgiving, and the mom who practically broke her toe carrying in their first-ever Christmas tree. Your family's imperfect moments? Totally normal.

Read all the hilarious stories

💬 Tell me about your overthinking

What do you catch yourself ruminating about during the holidays? What helps you break the loop?

📩 [email protected]

If this inspired you to catch yourself overthinking at least once this week, share this with a friend... or I'll follow you around asking "Have you thought about this before?" every time you start spiraling until you develop some self-awareness.

🍷 Your Christmas Gift to Me

For those of you who want to enjoy holiday gatherings without accepting every drink that's offered (or overthinking your choices the next morning), let me introduce you to Vesper by Pique.

It's a non-alcoholic option that gives you all the warmth and social ritual of a drink without the alcohol or the fog. Perfect for staying present during the holidays instead of, you know, ruminating about what you said at a party.

Click the link below, try a genuinely awesome non-alcoholic drink that'll give you the social ritual and mood lift without the next-day overthinking (which, as an anxious worry-wart, I deeply appreciate), and I get like a dollar for you clicking the link—even if you don't buy anything—and that helps keep this newsletter going. It's a win-win.

Meet the Best Alcohol Replacement of the Season

As the nights get colder and holiday gatherings fill the calendar, I’ve been craving a new kind of ritual—something warm, social, and feel-good, without the fogginess that often follows a drink. And this season, I found it.

Meet Vesper, Pique’s brand-new, non-alcoholic adaptogenic aperitif—and truly one of the most exciting launches they’ve ever released. Crafted with rare botanicals and science-backed ingredients, it delivers everything I love about a drink: the unwind, the mood lift, the sense of connection… just without the alcohol.

Each sip brings a soft drop in the shoulders, a gentle lift in spirit, and a clear, grounded presence. Sparkling, tart, and herbaceous, Vesper feels luxurious and intentionally crafted—perfect for holiday parties, cozy nights in, and an elevated start to Dry January.

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🫶 Duckin’ Done

That's Volume 038.

Here's to knowing the difference between thinking and overthinking, catching yourself in the loop, and remembering that rumination isn't productivity. It's just suffering wearing a productivity costume.

Until next time: breathe deep, interrupt the spiral, and chill the duck out.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Jason

🔬 Behind the Curtain

Susan Nolen-Hoeksema's pioneering research on rumination demonstrates strong links between repetitive thinking and anxiety/depression. Neuroimaging studies show rumination activates similar brain regions as problem-solving, explaining why it feels productive. Cognitive psychology research shows productive thinking generates resolution while rumination loops without answers. Studies in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology demonstrate that unstructured time increases rumination in anxiety-prone individuals. Research shows rumination activates and prolongs physiological stress responses, keeping cortisol elevated even after stressors have passed. Studies on thought interruption and structured worry time demonstrate effectiveness in reducing overall rumination.