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🦆 CHILL THE DUCK OUT

Volume 028: Here's to you, you glorious imperfect circle.

💭 Cold Open

For more than a decade now, I've been wearing silicone rings instead of my actual wedding band. Not because I'm making some deep statement about modern marriage or materialism. Nope. It's because I'm a man who loves soft hands and hates losing expensive things. I contain multitudes, and those multitudes include both vanity and responsibility.

I wash and lotion my hands so frequently that I was constantly taking off my wedding ring. And because my brain has the attention span of a goldfish at times, I kept leaving it in random places and then experiencing that special kind of panic that comes from not knowing where your wedding ring is. You know, that moment where you're simultaneously retracing your steps while also mentally calculating whether your wife will believe "the dog ate it" is a legitimate excuse.

I'd always find it... until one day I wouldn't. So I switched to silicone rings before that inevitable disaster could happen. Problem solved. Soft hands preserved. Marriage intact. Crisis averted through the power of $20 preventative measures.

But here's where my personality really shines. Instead of just getting one boring replacement ring, I discovered I could have an entire collection that reflects my personality. Rings with waves for beach days. Palm trees for tropical vibes. Flamingos because why not? And yes, multiple options for the Christmas season because apparently I'm that guy who needs his jewelry to match the holidays. It's like having a wardrobe for your hand, and I'm not even slightly embarrassed about how much I love it. Judge me if you want. I'll be over here color-coordinating my finger accessories.

Then there's this particular ring.

It's a limited edition design featuring incomplete circles around the band. When I bought it, I was drawn to the pattern without really thinking about why. But somewhere along the way, those incomplete circles became something more than just a cool design. They became a daily reminder of something I forget way too often. I'm enough, exactly as I am. Incomplete circles and all.

We're all walking around feeling like we should be more complete, more polished, more put-together. Like we're rough drafts waiting to become final versions of ourselves. But what if the incomplete circles aren't flaws? What if they're just proof that we're still here, still growing, still becoming?

Every time I look down at this ring, those incomplete circles remind me to be who I am and focus on what's right in front of me and what actually matters. Not the highlight reel version of myself. Not the person who still shrinks in a room full of people where I only see what makes them great and then fixate on my own imperfections like they're blinking neon signs. Not the person I think I should be. Just me, imperfect and incomplete, which turns out to be exactly enough. Even with my weird thing about seasonal jewelry.

So this week, we're talking about embracing our imperfections, letting go of comparison, and why being incomplete doesn't mean you're insufficient.

🧠 The Science Bit

Let's dig into why your brain needs permission to be imperfect, backed by people with more degrees than a thermometer factory and significantly better research methods than your Uncle Bob's "I'm just saying what everyone's thinking" theories.

According to research from multiple universities that study why humans are so remarkably talented at making themselves miserable, people who practice self-compassion (treating yourself with the same kindness you'd show a friend) report significantly higher levels of wellbeing than people who constantly criticize themselves for not being perfect. Dr. Kristin Neff at the University of Texas has spent decades proving what your grandmother already knew: being nice to yourself actually works better than being mean to yourself. Revolutionary, right? Next they'll discover that vegetables are good for you and staying hydrated helps with headaches.

The comparison trap is stealing your joy, and social media is the getaway driver.

Dr. Leon Festinger's social comparison theory from the 1950s showed that we naturally compare ourselves to others to evaluate our own abilities and opinions. But the problem is that we're now doing this hundreds of times per day thanks to the tiny anxiety rectangles we spend too much time scrolling. Research from the University of Pennsylvania found that limiting social media use to 30 minutes per day led to significant reductions in loneliness and depression. Scrolling through other people's highlight reels while sitting in your sweatpants eating cereal for dinner isn't great for your mental health. Shocking stuff, I know.

Studies by Dr. Thomas Curran show that perfectionism has increased substantially over the last few decades, especially among young people. But the thing is that perfectionism isn't correlated with better performance or achievement. It's correlated with depression, anxiety, and eating disorders. Basically, trying to be perfect doesn't make you better at things. It just makes you miserable while you're doing them. It's like running a race while also beating yourself up for not running fast enough. You're gonna lose and feel terrible.

Your brain on self-acceptance becomes a happiness machine.

Research from Dr. Mark Leary at Duke University shows that self-compassion acts as a buffer against negative self-evaluation. When you treat your imperfections with kindness rather than criticism, your brain's threat system calms down and your wellbeing increases. It's like giving your brain permission to stop treating every minor flaw like a five-alarm fire that requires a full mental evacuation and three hours of rumination at 2 AM.

The Japanese aesthetic philosophy of "wabi-sabi" has been celebrating imperfection for centuries, which means they figured this out while we were still in the "everything must be symmetrical and polished or we've failed as humans" phase. Wabi-sabi finds beauty in things that are imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete. Cracks in pottery aren't flaws to be hidden or frantically glued back together while sobbing. They're part of the object's history and character.

Case in point. There's a lamp in our guest bedroom that's my wife's grandma's. It's missing a piece, and there's a worn spot on the base where she touched it for years to turn it on and off. That lamp has more character and meaning than any pristine, perfect lamp from a catalog ever could. It tells a story. It has a history. It's been touched by someone we loved.

Western psychology is finally catching up to what Japanese culture has known forever… imperfection isn't just acceptable, it's where the beauty lives. We're getting pretty good at this idea when it comes to vintage furniture and rustic décor (we'll pay extra for distressed wood, thank you very much), but we still need to give ourselves the same grace. It's easier to accept that a lamp with a worn spot is charming than to accept that we, too, have our worn spots and that's okay.

Embracing imperfection actually makes you better at life.

Dr. Brené Brown's research on vulnerability and shame shows that people who embrace their imperfections have stronger relationships, more creativity, and greater resilience. When you stop trying to appear perfect, you can actually connect with people authentically. Nobody wants to be friends with someone who seems to have it all figured out. That person is either lying, exhausting, or both. We want to be friends with people who are messily, beautifully human. The kind of people who admit when they don't know something, who laugh at their own mistakes, who show up imperfect and real.

Research on growth mindset by Dr. Carol Dweck demonstrates that people who see themselves as "works in progress" rather than finished products are more likely to take on challenges, persist through difficulties, and ultimately achieve their goals. Being incomplete isn't a bug. It's a feature. It means you're still learning, still growing, still becoming. You're not a broken lamp that needs fixing. You're a lamp with a worn spot that tells a story about all the times you've been there, showing up, turning on the light.

🍟 This Week’s Happytizer

This week, I want you to practice embracing one imperfection you've been trying to hide or fix. The goal isn't to give up on growth. It's to stop treating your humanity like a problem that needs solving.

Pick one:

• Share something imperfect on social media without apologizing for it (messy house, bad hair day, failed recipe, whatever)

• Tell someone about a mistake you made without immediately following it up with excuses or self-deprecation

• Do something you enjoy but aren't good at and resist the urge to explain why you're bad at it

• Wear or display something that represents your authentic self even if it's not polished or "perfect"

• Give yourself the same grace you'd give a friend the next time you mess something up

The key is noticing what happens when you stop performing perfection. Notice how it feels to just be yourself, incomplete circles and all. Notice whether people actually care about your imperfections as much as you think they do (they don't).

Bonus points if you can look at one of your "flaws" and find something beautiful or interesting about it instead of just tolerating it.

🎉 Unsolicited Joy of the Week

When NBC news anchor Ethan Forhetz had to present a police sketch on live TV, he was not prepared for what appeared on screen. The suspect drawing looked less like a professional composite and more like a kindergartner's art project. You could watch his soul leave his body as he tried to describe it: "He's got a nose and some hair that goes like that... and kind of a chin that almost comes down to almost a point."

The plot twist is that ridiculously imperfect sketch actually caught the guy. Sometimes the wonky, rough-around-the-edges thing gets the job done better than perfection ever could.

📺 Watch Ethan try not to laugh at LADbible

💬 Tell me about your favorite imperfection

What's something about yourself that you used to think was a flaw but now see as just part of who you are?

📩 [email protected]

If this made you feel 1% more okay with being imperfect, share this with a friend... or I'll start showing up at your door with a PowerPoint presentation about the mathematical beauty of incomplete circles and why your flaws are actually features.

👋Speaking of embracing imperfection...

Let me be imperfectly honest with you: I'm about to recommend something that also happens to put a few bucks in my pocket when you just click the link. But hear me out, because this one's actually worth it.

1440 is a free daily newsletter that gives you the news without the anxiety-inducing spin, political agenda, or clickbait headlines. Just the facts in about 5 minutes every morning. No drama, no doom-scrolling, just straight information so you can stay informed without feeling like the world is ending.

In the spirit of this week's theme: it's not trying to be the perfect, most comprehensive news source. It's just trying to be useful, informative, and respectful of your time. Kind of like those incomplete circles on my ring. It doesn't pretend to be everything, and that's exactly why it works.

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🫶 Duckin’ Done

That's Volume 028.

Here's to incomplete circles, soft hands, and the beautiful mess of being exactly who you are.

Until next time: breathe deep, be kind to yourself, and chill the duck out.

Jason

🔬 Behind the Curtain

Self-compassion research by Kristin Neff at UT Austin demonstrates measurable improvements in psychological wellbeing compared to self-criticism. Thomas Curran's meta-analysis tracking perfectionism across decades shows significant increases correlated with mental health challenges. Leon Festinger's social comparison theory has been extensively validated, with recent studies from UPenn showing direct links between social media comparison and depression. Brené Brown's qualitative research on vulnerability spans two decades and thousands of interviews. Carol Dweck's growth mindset research at Stanford shows how viewing ourselves as "in progress" rather than "finished" leads to better outcomes and greater resilience.