When my son was little, we’d ask him what he wanted to watch and the answer for a long stretch was the same: “Oompa oompa.”

That was his name for the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, and we watched it over, and over, and over, and over again. Most kids’ movies start to wear on parents somewhere around the third viewing. This one never did. Neither my wife nor I ever got tired of it, which says a lot about the movie… or maybe a lot about us.

So when we found out Netflix had a new game show called Wonka’s Golden Ticket, we did what any self-respecting Wonka fans would do and binge watched it with our son. It was awesome. Intense, twisty, turny, and nostalgic enough to make me feel like I was back on the couch with a tiny human excitedly yelling “oompa oompa” at the TV when it was time for a song. They even recreated Gene Wilder’s voice as Willy Wonka throughout the competition, with permission from his family, which was a pretty cool touch. Oh, and they included Rusty, who was an OG oompa oompa. I mean, Oompa Loompa.

The show ends with a line that echoes the movie:

Willy Wonka
But, Charlie, don’t forget what happened to the man who got everything he always wanted.

Charlie
What happened?

Willy Wonka
He lived happily ever after.

And I sat there thinking, dang, that’s a pretty great line about happiness. Then, because I can’t help myself, I started wondering what else Willy Wonka was trying to teach us while we were busy staring at the chocolate river and the questionable boat ride. Turns out, as I rewatched the original one evening while my wife was working and the Hallmark Christmas movie (yes, they’ve already started) was one I’ve seen too many times, is quite a bit. Here are five lessons that adult me caught while I wasn’t too entertained by a tiny human astonished by Violet blowing up like a blueberry.

Lesson #1: Keep a little wonder around

The whole factory runs on imagination. A chocolate river. Candy you can eat right off the trees. Somewhere between the first bill and the fifth meeting that could have been an email, most of us stopped making room for that kind of wonder. There’s research on awe, which is that feeling of looking at something way bigger than yourself, that links it to lower stress and feeling more connected to other people. You don’t need a chocolate river. You just need to look up once in a while.

Lesson #2: Joy is better when you share it

I’m pretty sure “oompa oompa” never got old in our house because we were watching it together. There’s psychology research showing that shared experiences get amplified, meaning we feel things more intensely when someone else is going through them with us. Basically, even a bad movie is better with the right people on the couch. So is a good meal, a good concert, and a game show you binge way too late on a weeknight.

Lesson #3: Who you are when nobody’s watching

If you haven’t seen the movie in a while (or ever, in which case, shame on you), Charlie does the right thing in a moment where nobody would have blamed him for doing the opposite. He gives the Gobstopper back. There’s research on what psychologists call eudaimonic wellbeing, which is happiness that comes from living by your values instead of chasing the next fun thing. It tends to stick around a lot longer than the quick hit of getting what you want.

Lesson #4: Gratitude beats entitlement

Augustus, Veruca, Violet, and Mike all got undone by wanting more, or wanting it now. Studies link that feeling of being owed something to lower satisfaction and more conflict with the people around us, while gratitude does pretty much the opposite. If you’ve ever lost your mind over slow Wi-Fi, you’ve had a Veruca moment. No judgment. (Okay, a little.)

Lesson #5: Go back to the things you love

We’ve watched this movie more times than I can count and it still works every time, and it turns out there’s science behind that. Researchers who study nostalgia have found that it’s linked to better mood, a stronger sense that life has meaning, and feeling more connected to other people. So rewatching the thing you loved at seven is not avoiding adulthood. It’s self care with better candy.

Which brings me back to the ending exchange between Charlie and Mr. Wonka. There’s something called hedonic adaptation, which is a fancy way of saying we get used to good things fast. The new thing loses its shine, the promotion becomes the baseline, and what you wanted so badly turns into just another Tuesday. So maybe the “happily ever after” Wonka is talking about isn’t about getting everything. Maybe it’s about what you do with the stuff you already have. That, and probably a good snack.

Here’s your happytizer 🍟 for this week.

Pick something you loved when you were a kid (a movie, an album, a board game, a snack) and share it with someone this week. Phones in another room. Bonus points if there’s a chocolate bar involved.

If you’ve ever had a feeling show up uninvited and take over your whole day, this one’s for you.

On Tuesday, November 10th at 7pm London time (that’s 2pm Eastern for those of us in the Carolinas, but you’ll have to do the math for your own time zone), Action for Happiness is hosting a live online event called Managing Your Emotions with Professor Ethan Kross. Ethan is a professor at the University of Michigan, where he runs the Emotion & Self-Control Laboratory, and the author of two bestselling books, Chatter and Shift. His research looks at how the conversations we have with ourselves shape our health, performance, decisions, and relationships, which I can only assume includes the 3am version of mine.

The idea behind the event is that we can’t choose which feelings show up (frustration, worry, anger, and sadness all come with being human), but we have more control than we realize over what happens next. Ethan will walk through some of his favorite tools, including coaching yourself through tough moments with distanced self-talk (talking to yourself like you’d talk to a friend, which I’m told is a legitimate, science-backed technique and not just what happens when I’m assembling furniture), finding the sights, sounds, and tastes that reliably lift your mood, and figuring out who to turn to when you’re struggling.

It’s one hour, it’s online, and the ticket is an optional donation. Worth your time if you’d like a few simple tools in your back pocket before the next storm hits.

That’s Volume 079. Here’s to oompa oompa, Gene Wilder, golden tickets, and anyone who still gets a little excited when the chocolate river shows up.

Until next time: breathe deep, keep a little wonder around, and chill the duck out.

Jason

Research on awe has linked experiences of wonder to lower stress, improved mood, and a greater sense of connection to others. Psychologist Erica Boothby and colleagues found that shared experiences are amplified, meaning people feel both pleasant and unpleasant experiences more intensely when someone else is experiencing them at the same time. Research on eudaimonic wellbeing, including work by Carol Ryff and by Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, shows that living in line with your values is associated with more durable wellbeing than pleasure seeking alone. Studies on gratitude, including the work of Robert Emmons, show benefits for mood and relationships, while research on psychological entitlement links it to lower satisfaction and more interpersonal conflict. Nostalgia researchers Constantine Sedikides and Tim Wildschut have found that nostalgia increases positive mood, feelings of meaning, and social connectedness. Hedonic adaptation research, beginning with Philip Brickman and Donald Campbell in the 1970s, shows that people adapt quickly to positive changes and return to a baseline level of happiness.