🦆 CHILL THE DUCK OUT

Volume 036: The grown-up Christmas list

🎅 Cold Open

I love Christmas. Always have. The lights, the music, the general permission society gives us to be overly sentimental for a few weeks. I'm here for all of it. But the thing about traditions are, just when you think you know everything about them, you discover something that flips your entire understanding upside down.

This year, I learned that letters to Santa weren't always written BY kids TO Santa. Originally, it was the other way around. Santa wrote to children. Parents would pen letters from St. Nick as tools to counsel their kids on behavior, celebrate their growth, or encourage them to be better versions of themselves. These weren't just "you've been naughty or nice" scorecards. They were thoughtful, personalized messages about character, kindness, and becoming who you're meant to be.

Fanny Longfellow, wife of poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, wrote elaborate letters from Santa to her children. And J.R.R. Tolkien (shout out to my Middle Earth fam!) spent nearly three decades writing and illustrating detailed updates from Father Christmas to his kids, complete with stories about red gnomes, snow elves, and his chief assistant, the North Polar Bear. These weren't quick notes. They were annual traditions of putting hope, wisdom, and encouragement into words.

Somewhere along the way, we flipped the script. Kids started writing TO Santa instead of receiving letters FROM him. And maybe that's when we lost something important… the practice of using writing not just to ask for things, but to reflect on who we are and who we want to become.

Research tells us that writing isn't just a way to communicate with others. It's one of the most powerful tools we have for understanding ourselves, setting intentions, and actually becoming better. When Tolkien spent decades writing those Father Christmas letters, he wasn't just entertaining his kids. He was modeling something profound: the act of putting your values, your hopes, and your vision for a better world into words.

So this week, as we head deeper into the holiday season, we're talking about the science of expressive writing, why putting our intentions on paper makes us more likely to follow through, and how writing yourself a grown-up Christmas list might be the most important gift you give yourself this year.

Also, I'm going to tell you about something that melted my heart. The USPS Operation Santa program, where you can read actual letters from kids to Santa, adopt them, and make sure every child has a magical Christmas. A great gift that you can give yourself is the opportunity to be someone else's Santa.

🧠 The Science Bit

Let's dig into why writing, especially writing to yourself about who you want to be, is one of the most underrated tools for wellbeing and personal growth, backed by decades of research instead of just holiday sentimentality.

Writing about your experiences literally improves your mental health.

Psychologist James Pennebaker pioneered the study of expressive writing in the 1980s and discovered something remarkable: writing about your thoughts and feelings for just 15-20 minutes a day for 3-4 days leads to measurable improvements in mental and physical health through reduced stress, improved immune function, better sleep, even better job performance. The magic happens when you write about both the facts AND your feelings. Writing creates distance, clarity, and insight that ruminating never does.

Writing down your goals makes you significantly more likely to achieve them.

Dr. Gail Matthews' research shows that people who write down their goals are 42% more likely to achieve them than those who just think about them. When you write something down, you're not just recording it, but making it real. The act of writing forces you to clarify what you actually want and why it matters. Your brain treats written goals differently than imagined ones.

Self-compassionate goal-setting is more effective than self-criticism.

Research by Kristin Neff shows that approaching personal growth from self-compassion leads to better outcomes than beating yourself up. When you write goals framed as gifts you're giving yourself rather than punishments you're imposing, you're more likely to follow through.

This is why a "grown-up Christmas list" works better than New Year's resolutions. Instead of "I need to stop being so stressed" (self-criticism), you write "I'm giving myself permission to rest without guilt" (self-compassion). Same goal, completely different framing, and the compassionate approach wins every time.

Writing about your future self creates accountability and clarity.

Studies show that people who write letters to or from their future selves experience increased motivation and better decision-making. When you articulate who you want to be next year, you're creating a roadmap that makes it easier to notice when you're heading in the right direction.

The act of writing by hand engages your brain differently than typing.

Neuroscience research shows that handwriting activates different brain regions than typing, particularly areas involved in learning and memory. When you physically write with pen and paper, you're more likely to remember and internalize it. This is why writing your grown-up Christmas list by hand matters. It's not just nostalgia, it's neuroscience.

🍟 This Week’s Happytizer

This week, I want you to write yourself a grown-up Christmas list. Not gifts you want to receive from others, but gifts you're giving yourself to be a kinder, gentler, happier version of yourself next year so you don't end up on Santa's Naughty List (which, let's be honest, is really just the list of people who were jerks to themselves all year).

Here's how to do it:

1. Get old-school. Grab actual paper and a pen. No typing this one. The act of handwriting matters for how your brain processes and remembers your intentions.

2. Start with: "Dear Me," Write this as a letter from Santa (or Future You, or Wise You, or whoever feels right) TO yourself. You're not asking for things. You're giving them.

3. Frame everything as gifts you're giving yourself, not punishments you're imposing. Instead of "I need to stop being so anxious," write "I'm giving myself permission to not have all the answers." Instead of "I need to lose weight," write "I'm giving myself movement that feels good and food that nourishes me." Instead of "I need to be more productive," write "I'm giving myself focus on what actually matters."

4. Include at least five gifts. These can be mindsets, permissions, boundaries, habits, or just ways of being. Some examples:

• The gift of saying "no" without guilt

• The gift of being present instead of constantly planning

• The gift of rest without earning it

• The gift of trying things even if I might fail

• The gift of being kind to myself when things don't go as planned

• The gift of laughing at my own absurdity

• The gift of not comparing my behind-the-scenes to everyone else's highlight reel

5. End with a commitment. "I'm giving myself these gifts not because I'm broken and need fixing, but because I deserve to be happy. Love, Me" (or however you want to sign it).

6. Put it somewhere you'll see it. Not buried in a drawer. Somewhere you'll encounter it regularly, like your bathroom mirror, your nightstand, folded in your wallet. Let it be a reminder throughout the year.

📬 Operation Santa: Be Someone's Santa

The USPS runs a program called Operation Santa, where kids from families who need help write letters to Santa, and you can adopt those letters and send them the gifts they're asking for.

These aren't letters asking for PlayStations and iPads (though some kids do ask for those). Many of them will absolutely wreck you. Kids asking for winter coats. Kids asking for food for their families. Kids asking for their parents to be less stressed. Kids asking for books, or a toy for their little brother, or just for their family to be okay.

My son is now (sadly) out of the Santa phase, but we had him look through letters on the Operation Santa website, pick one to adopt, and help shop for the gifts. It was a chance to instill the magic of the season while teaching him about generosity and showing him that the real magic isn't in believing Santa brings you everything you want, but in getting to be Santa for someone else who is less fortunate.

You can participate too. Head to uspsoperationsanta.com to read letters and adopt one (or several). It's "yes, and..." thinking in action: Yes, I'm already holiday shopping for my own family, and I can grab a few extra things for a kid whose family needs help.

🎉 Unsolicited Joy of the Week

Twelve years ago, a stranger paid for three boys' haircuts at a Great Clips in New Hampshire. The Butts family was struggling financially at the time, and that one act of kindness sparked something remarkable: for over a decade now, the family has practiced 25 days of random kindness every December… things like paying for strangers' meals, leaving Christmas baskets on doorsteps, decorating a disabled veteran's home, and teaching their kids that giving to others is often exactly what you need when you're hurting. As mom Krista puts it, they seek out places where people don't know them because "it means more to people when it's a stranger doing something nice for you."

Read the full story

💬 Tell me about your grown-up Christmas list

What gifts are you giving yourself this year? What are you putting on your list that has nothing to do with Amazon and everything to do with being kinder to yourself?

📩 [email protected]

If this inspired you to write yourself a letter or adopt an Operation Santa letter, share this with a friend... or I'll personally write you a stern note from Santa about not being nice to yourself.

🫶 Duckin’ Done

That's Volume 036.

Here's to letters that matter, gifts that don't come in boxes, and remembering that sometimes the best thing you can do is give yourself permission to be human.

Until next time: breathe deep, write it down, and chill the duck out.

Jason

🔬 Behind the Curtain

James Pennebaker's research on expressive writing spans over 30 years and demonstrates consistent improvements in mental and physical health from structured writing exercises. Dr. Gail Matthews' study at Dominican University shows people who write down goals are 42% more likely to achieve them. Kristin Neff's self-compassion research at UT Austin demonstrates that compassionate goal-setting leads to better outcomes than self-criticism. Neuroscience research confirms that handwriting activates different brain regions than typing, particularly areas involved in memory and learning. The USPS Operation Santa program has been connecting gift-givers with children in need since 1912, making the holiday season brighter for families across the country.